Senin, 30 April 2012


She took a deep breath, declared her heart free
and thanked herself for being so patient with it.

********************  *  *********************** **  **  **
Maybe it is the weather, the season's changing -- but I definitely have been feeling the need to be free lately.  Free as in, free to be a little wild, a little less stressed and a lot more happy.  I want to get to the bottom of so many of my issues, needs and wants.  I want to keep changing for the better.

An Update:

1. Diet and exercise haven't gone well the past couple of weeks.  When I get stressed or down, I tend to start this bad food - sleeping pill - caffeine cycle.  It takes a little while of feeling like poo, then I snap out of it and get back on track.

2. I have been adding kale and spinach to my beloved morning smoothies lately and let me say, it makes them so much less appetizing.  I love my greens just as much as the next nut but they have ruined my fruit/almond butter favorite.  I may have to take them out of the rotation and bring the yum back.  I've felt so blah in the kitch' lately, not making anything new or interesting.  This kale/spinach thing is not helping.

3. Speaking of smoothies, my blender has been acting up lately.  I went to make a drink a few days ago and threw an ice cube in to keep things cold.  My blender froze-up and whirred like it was stuck, way overexerting the motor.  Now it leaks.  I certainly do not have the $$ to replace it.  Here's hoping it won't break on me yet. 

4. I find myself in some tough financial straits right now.  I have a sweet job in a beautiful place but I definitely wish I made more money.  Worrying about how to pay for gas and tolls and rent and everything else is such a stress, I worry constantly (hence diet and sleep woes).

5. Violet is great though.  She has been having more good than bad preschool mornings, meaning she doesn't always give me a hard time.  I still miss her so bad I could scream and I wish to God I could still be with her like I used to.  But knowing she doesn't hate school as much anymore is helpful because I do need to make a living away from her.  She is learning and maturing in so many ways.  She is getting ready to read.  She also seems to be maturing emotionally too, I have noticed quite a change in her.  I am ever so proud of my girl.

Senin, 23 April 2012


Happy Birthday Violet Lea! 

If there is one thing I will tell Violet today, it is this:  I am so so so proud of her!  Always.

She is a very special little girl.  Smart as a whip, sensitive and very intuitive.  She is funny and creative.  She loves her kitties and guinea pig and is starting not to hurt them so much.  She also loves video games, the color blue, coffee milk, lollipops, spaghetti, riding her unicorn bike, putting on make-up, playing in the bath tub, holding her baby cousin Adrianna, dancing to Disney music, punk rock music, the Lion King, all things UNICORN, painting, Toys R Us, writing words, trying to read, eating ice cream with Daddy, finding buggies, singing, sleepovers at Grampy and Grammy's, making new friends, her new coin collection, hair pretties, frilly dresses with leggings/tights, buying shoes, greeting cards with music, doggies and going to the "movie center".
She woke up this morning convinced that she had grown in the night.  It was the cutest thing.  She also told me that she is now able to do many things that she previously had not, as a four-year-old.

Below I put up a couple of videos I took of her on my phone yesterday.  We shared some MUCH NEEDED alone time together.  It was heaven. 

(I realize these videos are of poor quality and maybe boring for the average blog reader. I apologize for it but honestly, they are for me to watch at work when I miss her!)

Minggu, 22 April 2012


This weekend was Violet's official *Birthday Weekend* so naturally, we partied like five-year-olds!

She had about three separate parties and probably a hundred gifts.  It was madness.

Tomorrow is her actual birthday, so we will celebrate AGAIN as well!

Here are some photo highlights of all our party happenings:

Daddy and V at Chuck E Cheese!

The Mouse Himself.

Awww So Beautiful.

My gift: a giant My Little Pony Unicorn.

Awww! My sisters K and S!

All of us.

I love them!

Presents at home, V and K.

Happy Birthday Miss Violet!

Selasa, 17 April 2012


I text my sister, "Pic Please!" and she always delivers straight away.

I love you, Baby A.

I haven't seen her a few weeks and I am having some withdrawals.  I miss her.  Every time I see a new photo of her, she is different.  She is growing, changing and developing like crazy.

She looks just like her Mom  --- so very beautiful.  Those eyes!

I am really excited to talk about ANOTHER addition to our family too.  It is really soon to announce it but I am just too psycho to keep quiet.  Let me say though, the baby of my fam is expecting her own baby in the Fall.  I am over the moon with happiness.  My prediction: A BOY.  There are wayyyyy to many girls running around and a balance must be struck... I want my sisters to just keep having babies, more and more babies!  I love them.  You hear that girls, babies!  Keep them coming.

Personally, I am sad to report that I have not done any exercise since last week.  I had the flu and got stressed out about LIFE and then, splat.  Mojo gone.  I am struggling to regain it once again.
Last night me and V-spot were on the couch.  She grabbed and squeezed the fat on the back of my arm -- you know, the fatty, chicken skin, blob-like stuff.  She said, "Momma your arms are really big!"  Yikes.  Mind you, this is the same day she told me I was beautiful.

I've also been eating A TON OF CANDY.  Ahhhh!  I can't seem to stop myself.  It is a sugar thing.  I have one bad day, turn to sugar, then it becomes a whole "thing".  My drawer at work is full of chocolate (it was discounted Easter candy, so I basically HAD to buy it for sale sake, right?) and I am craving all kinds of sweet nasties.  Do I give in to the cravings and live out this sugar fantasy, knowing it will pass?  Or do I hold back and do the right thing? .... Hmmmm....

With any luck, I will take some of this negative BS I feel each day (work vs. Violet, sugar vs. greens, relationship garbage, bills, etc) and turn it into exercise and diet gold!

Senin, 16 April 2012


Five years ago today was my official due date to "hatch" Miss Violet.  It was a Monday too.  Man was I ready!  I actually had been ready for weeks and I did all in my power to get things moving.  It was not until exactly one week later that Violet was actually born.  The day before I went into labor, we walked a long time and ate much ice cream.  That seemed to have done the trick!  Monday, April 23rd she popped.  Best day ever (after 43 hours of pain and pushing!).

I cannot even begin to wrap my head around her 5th birthday.  How can she be five already?  She was just a baby.  Just learning to walk and talk and have attitude.  She has been out of diapers for a very long time now (almost two years) but I remember those tiny little diapies we used when she was just born.  They are SO CUTE.  I kept some for memory sake, along with binkies and clothes and everything else I think.  I will not be having any other children but I hope that maybe Violet will use those clothes for her own children someday, they are very special.  Some handknit by my Aunt D. 

Below is a recent picture of Violet in her playhouse.  We were waiting inside to scare her friend.  It was dark and I kept teasing her by making loud noises, just to hear her giggle and yelp for me to "stop being loud Momma!" It is in these silly moments just between the two of us, that I feel like I really live.  When I am alone, it is there that my mind goes.  I just love her so much!!


Mondays lately have been HELL.

Violet, hating school as much as she does, has encouraged me to fear the beginning of the week.

Today was much better though, I am happy to report.  I think a combination of things came together to help the home-to-school transition move more smoothly.  Her Daddy definitely helped too, working with her this weekend a lot, helping her prepare mentally for school and for that I am very thankful. :)

When I dressed this morning, I needed to choose something pretty for work but also, not too heavy because the temps today will reach near 90 degrees.  I put on a blue flowy dress and went into Violet's room to see her.  She exclaimed, "Mommy looks beautiful!"   

It literally made me feel like A MILLION BUCKS.  The men in my life say it, maybe my Mum or friends do too sometimes.  But this is the first time I heard Violet say it like that and it meant the world to me.  I believed her and I felt like the most special person on the planet.

Days like today, beautiful and sunny and so full of prospective outdoor adventure, make me miss her SO MUCH.   I should be out there with Violet running and playing and learning.  I knew that working full time would suck for that reason, that I would miss our time together. But sitting here thinking about how much I miss my girl hurts more than I can say.  It is a funny thing: I thought what I wanted all these years was a job that made me feel like I was important.  I wanted that soooo bad I cried for it, whined, thrashed and got sad over it.  I thought that would be what makes me who I am.  Now that I am on the other side I see what is most important.  And it ain't no job.  It is only Violet.  She is a huge chunk of what is good and wonderful about who I am.  I am lucky to be her Mother.

Minggu, 15 April 2012


We had another really nice day here in New Hampshire.... so naturally, we hit the beach.

My favorite beach is in York, Maine.  I've spent many vacations (including my honeymoon) in this beautiful place and I feel so good every time I visit.  I plan to bring Violet often too -- I want her to love it as much as I do.

Here are some pictures and a short video of our day today:
It was cold! At least a good 10 degrees cooler than inland.

We looked for sea creatures!

All we found were snails....

.... tons and tons of SNAILS!

She did find a couple little sea buggies though. 

"Carry me Momma!"

She was cold and tired!

Bundled for lunch.

Playground at the beach...

.... with lots of sand to dig.

Digging like crazy!

"Cheese!"  Violet and her friend K.

My happy girl.

Jumat, 13 April 2012


Although my fitness level was pretty much nonexistent this week, I did really well in terms of food choices and meal planning.  I enjoyed a lot of fresh, yummy food like veggie bowls and scrumptious, frothy smoothies.  I prepared meals for myself instead of eating prepared items, like soup or hummus (major staples of mine as of late).  I also made my usual morning green juice before work each day.  I am proud of myself for sticking with homemade!
Lunch break - woot woot - So good!

I made this lovely cucumber and tomato salad with a dash of olive oil (trying to limit my use - yikes), salt, pepper and fresh dill.  The dill smelled soooo good, I couldn't resist it at the market.  Mmmm.  Fresh herbs can def make a salad *pop* with flavor.
Pineappley goodness.

Then I brought some fresh pineapple for dessert.  Fresh cut pineapple is like cake or pie - like a dessert treat you feel really good about in so many ways.  I actually bought it earlier in the week and looked forward to having it for days.

Selasa, 10 April 2012


My pretty girl in her Easter dress!

Violet and I were both sick this past weekend so I was unable to do any yoga or exercise as I had planned.  I did OK with food and drink though.  We missed a special Easter breakfast with my mum and sisters - which made me cry - but I was kind of glad in a way too, to take care of my sick girl at home.  It is satisfying to care for her that way.  I am crossing my fingers that she will stay illness free for a while now.  Not being exposed to all these germs over the years is definitely catching up with her now.

Although I haven't jumped ship completely, I have had more than my fair share of sweet treats lately.  Candy and desserts are NOT on my healthy foods list.  Between Easter goodies and my own regular chocolate stash, there are homemade maple candies and yummy cookies in the kitchen right now.  I can't resist.  Yikes! I wonder if all of this sugar this past week is what let my flu in - I am well aware that sugar weakens the immune system.  I better watch it.

When I feel my energy come back I will get right back on my regime.  I miss my jumping jacks.  The flu kicked my butt and made me realize again that Mommies do NOT get sick days!

Jumat, 06 April 2012


Yup.  Pretty much.


Yes!  Just what I need: A Fun Friday Survey




Pink and white.

It is getting pretty long now.  But lately, I have been thinking of getting it chopped!  Very short.  It is my favorite way to wear it.... but there are people in my life that like it long though.










Food wise, I'd say a giant cinnamon dolce latte from SB.  Love wise, I'd say time with my girl.  Object wise, I'd say a sweet camera to take pictures of this lovely, sunny day.





I don't even remember.  That means it is long overdue.

Sometimes.  It is fun.





Aeroplane by Bjork.

Yes of course.  All the time.







Nah not really.  I used to work at a concert place during the summer between semesters in college.  I saw a lot of famous people close-up but I didn't meet them.











Kamis, 05 April 2012


Miss Violet reads to me just about every night before bedtime.  I used to read to her and loved it but right now she is in a phase where she will not allow it.  She wants to be the reader with me as her listener.  This is okay because many times, her version is better than the original!

Above is a video of her reading me a very appropriate book, Little Brown Bear Won't Go To School!  In this particular story, when little brown bear does not want to go to school one day he learns what it means to "have a job" instead.  His Mommy and Daddy both have jobs while he is a school and very importantly, little brown bear realizes he has a job too  -- his work at school!

Violet continues to hate going to preschool just about every single day with varying levels of hatred.  Sometimes she begs and cries.  Or some mornings she will just drag her feet and look at me with such desperation.  Those big, beautiful blue eyes beg me to skip work and be with her.  It suuuuucks!  Let me tell you.  I feel bad at every drop-off and I barely recover before the next morning comes and we do it all over again.

I chose the preschool I did because
(1) it is one that offers many things a regular preschool does not, like a fitness focused curriculum and swim class!
(2) because I felt really good about putting her somewhere my friends had raved about and
(3) I personally needed to have her somewhere other than in home-based care or a very low income type facility (which I *know* is not good). 
BUT these things matter not to Violet.  She would not appreciate going ANYWHERE, regardless of how awesome it would be.  She wants to be home again with me and her Daddy... and I understand.  I just wish I could have it all!! I wish I could have this job I really like AND have Violet feel happy about school.  Ugh.

So... the battle rages on I guess... Work is good, in general excluding Violet related stress.  I feel useful and productive most days.  The Museum prepares to open next month and I balance three very important parts of that opening.  All Tours and Workshops are my thing.  And I feel like I can't wait for them to happen, as if watching a seed I planted turn into a blossom.  I feel close to the things I do for my work and I want to be a part of the success of it all.

I continue on my journey to better health as well.  I am sore right now from a yoga routine yesterday morning.  It was intense.  I was working hard and sweating pretty good at 5:30 in the morning.  Everyone was asleep but I was greeting my day the best way I know how.

This is the video I used: 

Ana Brett is so cute and lovely.  Her smile is infectious and you actually forget the yoga is working you so hard.  I don't do this routine nearly enough!

The other night I did 300 jumping jacks!  Again, I was working my body hard and it felt SO GOOD.

My goals are coming along nicely.  To check me out on, see HERE.  It is super cool to track my goals like this.  Keeps me accountable and motivated. 

Senin, 02 April 2012


I got some sweet new running shoes this weekend.

I broke them in with a solid walk.

Next, I am ready to RUN!  Run Lauren, Run!!