I went to the doctors a couple days ago, to get my remicade infusion.
I was dreading stepping onto the scale, even more then I was dreading getting hooked up to the IV for 3 hours. For some reason I always suck it in when I step on the scale at the doctors... like that's going to help.
Before I left for vaca, I weighed in at 196, which put me at 5 pounds down since August. When we returned, I weighed in at 197.8. I figured gaining 1.8 pounds wasn't too shabby for being on a week long vacation.
After that little weigh in, I didn't step on the scale for a while, as I knew I wasn't doing so good with my post vacation diet.
As I stepped onto the scale at the doctors, my first reaction was to look down, so I didn't have to see where I was at with my weight. But then I heard a voice in my head yelling at me to look. I realized right then, what I needed to do. Frankly- I needed to get my crap together, and stop being in denial. I needed to be accountable. I needed to get out of la la land, and face this reality check head on. With an annoyed sigh, I looked up and saw 202. And then I gave a nervous chuckle. The nurse thinks I'm weird.
Sure, I was mad at myself for a brief moment, but it was actually a really good experience for me. This is my journey, and I'm finally becoming grateful for the ups, and the downs along the way.
They make me who I am. They make me stronger, and wiser. My struggles are shaping me into the person I want to become. And that makes me grateful for them. I may have made mistakes yesterday, or have yet to make mistakes tomorrow, but if I let them, those mistakes can help me get to my goal just as much as a salad can. I'd rather let seeing 202lbs on the scale light a fire in me, versus beat myself up about it for the next week. Regret doesn't make you lose weight any more then a cupcake does.
I've realized that I need more accountability, so I'm bringing back the weigh-ins! They will be every Friday. My goal is to be back in the 100's by my next weigh-in.
I'm on my way.