Mondays have been really stinky lately, ever since my new job started and Violet has been completely against preschool. Drop-off is bad, I dread the ordeal well before Monday morning even comes and I feel bad most of the day. In fact, the whole week kind of stinks because my mornings are so horrible.
This morning after drop-off, I cranked up some Elton John (because he has the magic) and tried to relax. As I sat in traffic waiting to get on the highway, lost in my own sad thoughts, I noticed a bumper sticker on the car in front of me. It made me laugh and feel better right away.
Ha! My mind was SO in the gutter at first and I wonder how many other people immediately think what I did too. Sometimes little things like this, dumb as they are, really do help me feel better and I am really thankful for those moments. I'm able to kind of snap-out of my funk, for a time.
An update on the life and times:
1. Generally speaking, commuting to work has not been that bad. My only gripes are the cost of fuel (around $250 a month for me right now!!) and that I work so far away that I am unable to retrieve Violet from school.
I definitely observe my share of very bad drivers, jerk drivers and tricky road situations. I try my best to be a considerate and focused commuter.
And I also have to listen to the radio sometimes when my CD's feel overplayed. The radio is sooooo bad, sooooooo soooooo bad. Katy Perry? Really? That is music now? UGH. I definitely need to invest in new music so I can avoid the radio as much as possible.
2. My weekend health-wise was really bad. I did zero exercise and ate horribly. I did shop for running shoes but with no luck. I was unable to clock-in any of my goals. :(
It happened to be Maple Weekend - yum! - so I ate more than my share of comforting, sugary treats yesterday. Today it is back to green juice and homemade, whole food goodness.
3. I have started a probiotic supplement because I think my body is going a little haywire from my diet lately. I eat very well, then very bad. I flush my system every week day morning with green juice, water and smoothie. Although I purge a lot of bad from my body, the good stuff goes out too! Things get crazy and I think there is an imbalance happening. I want to make it right.
I also need to take the time to sit down with my recipes books/binder and get back to my roots.
For me, simple recipes and easy but tasty meals are what suit me best. I love love love the complexity that can come from raw food cooking -- but I do not have the financial resources or time. Simple - Fresh - Yummy - that is what I need.
4. Times with Violet have been hard. Not to say she is a bad girl or I am a bad mommy right now.. Just that it has been extra difficult. I have SO MUCH F*CKING GUILT all the time. Bringing her to school/her spending sometimes over eight hours per day there, making her sleep in her own bed (when she still sleeps in Daddy's bed with him), changing her life by not being her with her Daddy right now. It feels like I am ruining her life. And it is a wretched feeling, let me tell you. It hurts like hell. She is so smart, so sensitive and *knows* what is happening. She asks me such mature questions sometimes, it definitely brings my life and choices into focus - big time.
I only want the best for her. I can't help but to worry day-in and day-out that I am actually doing that. I want her to be happy, more than anything else in the world. I don't want to screw her up - (my biggest fear in life!)
This morning after drop-off, I cranked up some Elton John (because he has the magic) and tried to relax. As I sat in traffic waiting to get on the highway, lost in my own sad thoughts, I noticed a bumper sticker on the car in front of me. It made me laugh and feel better right away.
Ha! My mind was SO in the gutter at first and I wonder how many other people immediately think what I did too. Sometimes little things like this, dumb as they are, really do help me feel better and I am really thankful for those moments. I'm able to kind of snap-out of my funk, for a time.
An update on the life and times:
1. Generally speaking, commuting to work has not been that bad. My only gripes are the cost of fuel (around $250 a month for me right now!!) and that I work so far away that I am unable to retrieve Violet from school.
I definitely observe my share of very bad drivers, jerk drivers and tricky road situations. I try my best to be a considerate and focused commuter.
And I also have to listen to the radio sometimes when my CD's feel overplayed. The radio is sooooo bad, sooooooo soooooo bad. Katy Perry? Really? That is music now? UGH. I definitely need to invest in new music so I can avoid the radio as much as possible.
2. My weekend health-wise was really bad. I did zero exercise and ate horribly. I did shop for running shoes but with no luck. I was unable to clock-in any of my goals. :(
It happened to be Maple Weekend - yum! - so I ate more than my share of comforting, sugary treats yesterday. Today it is back to green juice and homemade, whole food goodness.
3. I have started a probiotic supplement because I think my body is going a little haywire from my diet lately. I eat very well, then very bad. I flush my system every week day morning with green juice, water and smoothie. Although I purge a lot of bad from my body, the good stuff goes out too! Things get crazy and I think there is an imbalance happening. I want to make it right.
I also need to take the time to sit down with my recipes books/binder and get back to my roots.
For me, simple recipes and easy but tasty meals are what suit me best. I love love love the complexity that can come from raw food cooking -- but I do not have the financial resources or time. Simple - Fresh - Yummy - that is what I need.
4. Times with Violet have been hard. Not to say she is a bad girl or I am a bad mommy right now.. Just that it has been extra difficult. I have SO MUCH F*CKING GUILT all the time. Bringing her to school/her spending sometimes over eight hours per day there, making her sleep in her own bed (when she still sleeps in Daddy's bed with him), changing her life by not being her with her Daddy right now. It feels like I am ruining her life. And it is a wretched feeling, let me tell you. It hurts like hell. She is so smart, so sensitive and *knows* what is happening. She asks me such mature questions sometimes, it definitely brings my life and choices into focus - big time.
I only want the best for her. I can't help but to worry day-in and day-out that I am actually doing that. I want her to be happy, more than anything else in the world. I don't want to screw her up - (my biggest fear in life!)
Tidak ada komentar:
Posting Komentar