I knew I was thinking about something that was stressing me out, but I didn't know what it was. I sat down and really thought about what was on my mind. Suddenly, I got a flash of
Moose Creek.
Confused?
Every 5 years we have a family reunion. My Great Grandparent's children, and their families (on my Father's side), meet up and camp out near the ranch my Great Grandparents used to own (Moose Creek). I love going there, and I look forward to it every time!
I'm excited to see all my family (even the ones I don't really know), but I'm really excited to have my immediate family all together in one place (there's 8 of us kids, so it's rare that we're all together at the same time).
So why am I stressed out?
It's another deadline.
If you remember, the last time I had a deadline (my hubbies graduation), I sabotaged myself.
My family saw me at 120, before I got married. The next time they saw me, I was 180. And the last time they saw me in April of 2009, I was over 200 pounds:
It felt horrible seeing my family, after gaining so much weight. I felt like instead of being excited to see me, and giving me a hug, they were more like, "Whoa! What. The. Heck. Happened to you?!" And that was totally understandable. I had changed dramatically. But the thought of it, still hurt.
I would of course try to lose weight, every time I was going to see my family. It would start out like this:
"Okay, I have 4 months. I can lose 40 pounds before I see them!"
I wouldn't go on a diet. It would turn into this:
"Okay, now I have 2 months. It's better then nothing. I could lose 20 maybe even 30 pounds before we leave!"
Again, I didn't go on a diet. My goals would get more and more unrealistic:
"Sigh. Alright, I have 1 month before we go. Maybe I can still lose 20 pounds?!"
Still not on a diet. It's time to take drastic measures:
"I have two weeks! I'm going to go on some crazy diet! I'm desperate! Hmm, maybe a cleansing diet! Okay, I'm not going to eat anything for 2 weeks, and I'm only going to drink lemonade!" (There's actually a diet like that!)
That would last for like, 2 hours, and I'd say this:
"I give up. I'm going fat. Hope they still love me!"
Before, every time I went on a diet, it was to meet a deadline.
This time was different. I didn't go on a diet because I was afraid of what people would think of me. I went on a diet because I wanted to be healthy. I went on a diet because I wanted to get pregnant, and have a baby. I went on a diet for me! There was no deadline in sight, and what do you know, I was finally successful! I lost weight, at a slow and steady pace, without a deadline stressing me out.
So when a "deadline" comes up, my old way of think comes out:
"Okay, I have 2 months! I can lose 20 pounds! I have to lose 20 pounds!"
My old way of thinking always led to failure. Therefore, I'm determined to fail. It's what I'm used to. I start to believe whole heartily that I can't do it!
This is the point I sabotage myself.
"I cant do it! I can't do it! I can't do it! Where's a donut?!!"
Can't beat em', join em'.
But this time is different.
I've already lost 35 pounds!
Even if I don't lose any more weight from here, I've already been more successful then I've ever been. I'm the thinnest my family has seen me since I got married! I would have killed to be 35 pounds lighter, the last time I saw my family!
(A pic from my last little photo shoot)
My solution to the deadline thing: Don't make it a deadline!
Continue what I'm doing. No pressure. Don't even think about it. If I only lose 5 pounds between now, and when we leave (2 months), then I will have lost 40 pounds! And that's awesome! Of course I want to lose more then 5 pounds in 2mo, but I'm just saying.
I know I can do this, because I am doing this!
How do you deal with deadlines? Do they help you, or harm you?
***
Yesterday's (although it's going to be like 1am by the time I post this, so it's not quite yesterday;) weigh in results had me at 172, for a 1 pound loss.
I'm frustrated with myself. I was really wanting to see 170 this week.
About half way through the week, was when I subconsciously started sabotaging myself.
Fortunately I took the time to figure it out, and hopefully everything will be better from here!
Moose Creek.
Confused?
Every 5 years we have a family reunion. My Great Grandparent's children, and their families (on my Father's side), meet up and camp out near the ranch my Great Grandparents used to own (Moose Creek). I love going there, and I look forward to it every time!
I'm excited to see all my family (even the ones I don't really know), but I'm really excited to have my immediate family all together in one place (there's 8 of us kids, so it's rare that we're all together at the same time).
So why am I stressed out?
It's another deadline.
If you remember, the last time I had a deadline (my hubbies graduation), I sabotaged myself.
My family saw me at 120, before I got married. The next time they saw me, I was 180. And the last time they saw me in April of 2009, I was over 200 pounds:
It felt horrible seeing my family, after gaining so much weight. I felt like instead of being excited to see me, and giving me a hug, they were more like, "Whoa! What. The. Heck. Happened to you?!" And that was totally understandable. I had changed dramatically. But the thought of it, still hurt.I would of course try to lose weight, every time I was going to see my family. It would start out like this:
"Okay, I have 4 months. I can lose 40 pounds before I see them!"
I wouldn't go on a diet. It would turn into this:
"Okay, now I have 2 months. It's better then nothing. I could lose 20 maybe even 30 pounds before we leave!"
Again, I didn't go on a diet. My goals would get more and more unrealistic:
"Sigh. Alright, I have 1 month before we go. Maybe I can still lose 20 pounds?!"
Still not on a diet. It's time to take drastic measures:
"I have two weeks! I'm going to go on some crazy diet! I'm desperate! Hmm, maybe a cleansing diet! Okay, I'm not going to eat anything for 2 weeks, and I'm only going to drink lemonade!" (There's actually a diet like that!)
That would last for like, 2 hours, and I'd say this:
"I give up. I'm going fat. Hope they still love me!"
Before, every time I went on a diet, it was to meet a deadline.
This time was different. I didn't go on a diet because I was afraid of what people would think of me. I went on a diet because I wanted to be healthy. I went on a diet because I wanted to get pregnant, and have a baby. I went on a diet for me! There was no deadline in sight, and what do you know, I was finally successful! I lost weight, at a slow and steady pace, without a deadline stressing me out.
So when a "deadline" comes up, my old way of think comes out:
"Okay, I have 2 months! I can lose 20 pounds! I have to lose 20 pounds!"
My old way of thinking always led to failure. Therefore, I'm determined to fail. It's what I'm used to. I start to believe whole heartily that I can't do it!
This is the point I sabotage myself.
"I cant do it! I can't do it! I can't do it! Where's a donut?!!"
Can't beat em', join em'.
But this time is different.
I've already lost 35 pounds!
Even if I don't lose any more weight from here, I've already been more successful then I've ever been. I'm the thinnest my family has seen me since I got married! I would have killed to be 35 pounds lighter, the last time I saw my family!
(A pic from my last little photo shoot)
My solution to the deadline thing: Don't make it a deadline!
Continue what I'm doing. No pressure. Don't even think about it. If I only lose 5 pounds between now, and when we leave (2 months), then I will have lost 40 pounds! And that's awesome! Of course I want to lose more then 5 pounds in 2mo, but I'm just saying.
I know I can do this, because I am doing this!
How do you deal with deadlines? Do they help you, or harm you?
***
Yesterday's (although it's going to be like 1am by the time I post this, so it's not quite yesterday;) weigh in results had me at 172, for a 1 pound loss.
I'm frustrated with myself. I was really wanting to see 170 this week.
About half way through the week, was when I subconsciously started sabotaging myself.
Fortunately I took the time to figure it out, and hopefully everything will be better from here!
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