Today...

Today I was craving a steak. Which is hilarious, because I hate steak. I'm a chicken and turkey kinda girl. So, when I told my husband about today's craving, he looked at me weird, grabbed his keys, and took me to go get steak. It was good. Really good. I'm not sure how bad steak is for a diet? But it's not like it was smothered in cheese and butter, so it can't be too bad. Plus I didn't order soda. And...It doubled as my lunch and dinner, so that helps :)

Today I resisted the urge to buy a tub of chocolate frosting at the store. I used to buy one of these, and eat it plain, by the spoon full. I had a brief flash of me doing just that, as my eye spotted it in the store. But, I continued walking. Well, after I took a picture of course :)

Today I had a blast making peach jam with a friend. Peaches are on sale at Sprouts this week for 49 cents a pound! I bought 40 peaches for 4 dollars and something cents. How awesome is that? I used THIS recipe. It calls for 4 1/2 cups of sugar, but I only used 2 cups. I haven't tried it yet, but my friend had already made a batch using 2 cups of sugar, and she said it tasted great. I can't wait to try it on a piece of toast in the morning!
And I will end this fabulous day, by watching Seinfeld with my hubby. Where I will probably say out loud, "Don't listen to Kramer!"...or George for that matter :)

What's your favorite kind of jam?

Have you ever made jam before?

A sweet gesture, that went straight to my hips.

A marriage is:
Holding hands and flirting on Friday night dates.
Getting hit with an elbow at 3 am.
Texts with "I love you"s and, "Can you pick up eggs?"
Arguing over what movie to watch.
Playing Rock. Paper. Scissors. to decide who cleans up after dinner.
Saying cheesy things like, "I struck the lottery, the day I married you"
And buying roses for your wife, after an argument.

The roses were sweet. They brought a smile to my face, as I thought to myself, "How could I ever stay mad at this guy?" But then he pulled out the box of chocolates. One half of my brain screamed, "YAY! Chocolate!" and the other half screamed, "NOOO!"

So, I made a compromise. I didn't want to hurt my husband's feelings, after all ;) I took only one bite, out of all my favorite chocolates (which were all minus 3;). One bite of each is all you really need anyway.
I figure I cut the calories in half.Then I told my husband thank you, and to hide the rest.

What do you do when you receive a high calorie gift?

What's your favorite chocolate truffle?
Mine is chocolate buttercream. Mmm :)

I'd love to hear your, "A marriage is" quote!

A new promise to my blog

I'm just going to say it: My blog has been straight up LAME over the past couple months (not as lame as my family blog, but still pretty lame;). I'm glad I got that off my chest.

I just kinda lost that bloggin' feelin' for a little while there, and I got a little lazy in the blog department (and the cleaning and cooking department;). I can't tell you how many blog posts I had written out in my head... I just lacked the motivation to sit down, and actually type it all out.

Over the past week, I've been thinking about how much this blog means to me. I honestly don't think I could have lost 45 pounds, without all of the support, and encouragement from complete strangers, who voluntarily go on this weight loss roller coaster ride with me. It really amazes me, and I'm so grateful for the readers of this little blog of mine. So, I'm making a new promise to rededicate myself to bloggin'.

I have 40 pounds that I have yet to lose, and I want this blog, and my readers to be apart of every step. I can't wait to write up my victory post, when I've reached my goal weight. Man that's going to be a good post... and my new promise is to make all the posts in-between, incredibly awesome, and non-lame... Well, at least I'll try ;)

Since I'm starting to think I do better on a schedule,
my new bloggin' days are Mondays and Thursdays. I Hope you're here, reading along :)

Love,
:Deliciously Healthy

I heart you, and my decision.

First up, THANK YOU!
Thank you for all your comments and emails. Your advice and opinions helped me to see things more clearly... both ways I'll admit, but it still helped :) It also helps to know that I am not in this alone. There are lots of women with the same battle going on in their head.

Your comments helped me to see that I'm not obese. I've lost 45 pounds, and that is something to be proud of. if I get pregnant tomorrow, it's not the end of the world, as far as my weight goes. At least I won't be getting pregnant at 206 pounds, and that in itself is an accomplishment. You reminded me that I can have a healthy pregnancy, and I don't have to gain 40 pounds, which would definitely help. And like you said, I will never regret having a baby, but I might regret waiting. I hate that my weight has gotten in the way of us being parents. I just want to stop obsessing about my weight, and get on with living our dreams together.

On the other hand, you helped me to see that I am only 23 years old (almost 24). Even if I put it off for a year, I would still be about 25 when I (hopefully) become pregnant. That's pretty young. But I don't feel young. I feel like I'm trapped inside of an 80 year old body, due to my health issues. I've also been married for almost 6 years. We are ready to have a baby. It's all my husband talks about. I hate the fact that he would have to wait even longer to be a daddy, because I couldn't find a way to put down the cheesecake. But hey, I'm sure he would be entertained during the wait, as he watched me shrink back down to the 120 pound girl he married. My weight is a battle I have not officially won, and it's annoying. I just want to get to my goal weight, and finally win this battle. I want to have a healthy pregnancy, and actually look cute while pregnant.

It's still a hard decision, and I still want both. Go figure.

But I think I've come to a compromise:

My fertility doctor said we would try clomid for 3 cycles (3 months), and then move onto more drastic (and expensive) procedures. July will be the 3rd cycle. I've decided that I want to finish what I've started with the clomid. I've already taken the clomid to have a cycle this month. So if it doesn't work this month, I would only take it one more time, for the month of July. If I'm not pregnant by the time I finish the clomid, then we will take 3 months off trying to get pregnant. This will give us time to both save money for the more expensive procedures that we would start in November, and also give me 3 months to lose 20-30 pounds. Because I will be kicking some serious weight loss butt during that time. I'm going to keep with my diet while finishing up the clomid. I haven't weighed myself, but last I checked I was 165, so I'm assuming I'm 160. If I didn't get pregnant with the clomid by the end of July, then I would be hopefully starting the month of August at 155 pounds. I'm hoping that between August and November I can get down to 125-135 pounds.

I would be happy with either outcome. If I get pregnant between now and July, then at least I'm not getting pregnant at 206 pounds. I've always been so worried that I would never be able to get pregnant, that I'm sure seeing a positive pregnancy test will wash away all my concerns about getting pregnant at the weight that I am. And if we don't, then I have three months to get down to a healthier weight, which could even help us have better luck getting pregnant in November.

I feel at peace with our decision. I will be a mother, and get to my goal weight. I can't snap my fingers and have them both at the same time, but I know that I will have them both, eventually. I just know it.